I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
