Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You are a genius and a whore.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
