remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
