it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
