make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
