broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
