dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
