I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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