Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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