I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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