I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This house was built for laser tag.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
