I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
