Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize