KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize