thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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