omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
