Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
