How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
