You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
