My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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