can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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