he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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