she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
