that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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