Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
