drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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