I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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