cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize