Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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