I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
