i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
