ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
