i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
