So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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