So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
