Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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