so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
