please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
