All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
