you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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