And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
