And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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