You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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