google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
