batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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