the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
