my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
nutella sex= disaster
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
