does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
