Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
