Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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