Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
