do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
