i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
