i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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