she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize