What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
