woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
