I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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