brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
