Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize