At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize