there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
