to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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