South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
