:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
