I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
