Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
